Sweet Suffering
by Zoja
Summary: "So he just kept suffering in secret, watching her longingly, hoping that a miracle will happen and he would be able to sooth his pain."


**A/N:** It was supposed to be just a little story but it grew to almost three thousand words... It just appeared and the words just kept flowing... I hope you are going to enjoy it :)

With dedication for **fanka77**, I hope that some J/S is going to make you feel at least a little better :)

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It's been a month since she made the decision that she was staying in DC, even though it meant turning down a very promising job offer. It could be her one and only chance, but she knew that her job was never going to be more important to her than people, who she cared about and now she knew, that the choice not to leave was the best she has ever made. Jack was more than happy to hear that she was staying, he just couldn't imagine what his life would look like without seeing her face every day, getting this sweet, beautiful smile she was sending in his direction whenever one of them caught the other's look, going to dinner with her in the evenings, so often followed by walk in the park. He was sure that there couldn't be anything more painful than her being gone, and he had absolutely no idea how wrong he was.

The last thirty days were probably the worst and longest in his entire life. The truth was, that the happiness that everything was going to be the same way it used to for the past three years was present inside him only during this very first day. Just a night before it he allowed his heart and mind to open completely to the realisation that he was deeply, completely, hopelessly in love with Sue. He was lying restlessly in his bed the whole night, trying to prepare himself for what he planned to do, and if Myles hadn't appeared out of blue, he would have told her everything. He would have told her all about his feelings for her, how much he wished she was a permanent part of his life, how much he wished he could share it with her as her boyfriend, later fiancé, husband and father of her children. Her transfer to New York meant that there was absolutely nothing, what could stop him from taking this step forward. Yet, it then turned out that it was pretty much the same way as earlier, and he would have happily continued to live the same way he had for the past three years if it wasn't for his heart. It screamed at him just how much he needed to at least try to do about those feelings he was trying to stifle for such a long time.

The worst however was, that there seemed to be nothing he could do. One of the first things he thought about was obviously going to D., but his supervisor didn't have any good information for him. Unless he would be fine with being transferred to another city, there weren't much possibilities for him and it only made him more miserable. Going away was the last thing he would want, and the exact opposite of what he wanted; he didn't want to move on, draw a cross on the possible future he could have with her, he wanted to make it happen. And he definitely wasn't going to settle on the long-distance relationship, even if they would be together, then. He didn't want to miss her more than it was possible, to be able to talk to her only on the phone or via the Internet every now and then. He wanted to wake up next to her every morning and leave work knowing, that he was going to spend some time with her upon reaching home, be able to hold her in his arms, kiss her, and whatever only he would be able to think about, simply enjoying his life with her. Yes, D. told him that he was going to have it in his hand, and the moment something will appear he was going to make him know. He also openly informed him that he had his allowance to date Sue, and if anything was ever going to happen, they were going to have a support in him, but for Jack it wasn't enough. He knew that Dimitrius was speaking honestly, that if they were to be together and someone would discover their relationship, he would do everything in his power to make sure they weren't going to be fired, but he still wasn't willing to risk it all. No, his career wasn't more important to him than Sue and if it only was so simple, he would willingly give it up to be with her. But life wasn't so uncomplicated, and he couldn't just quit his work if he wanted his dream of life with Sue come true completely. Still, he didn't want to risk getting caught and facing consequences, because he didn't want her to lose what she achieved. So he just kept suffering in secret, watching her longingly and hoping that a miracle will happen and he would be able to sooth his pain.

The whole team could see that there was something different about Jack ever since Sue announced that she was going to New York. They were all convinced that his misery in his eyes was caused by this information, but they actually grew concerned when it didn't disappear with her decision to stay. He still seemed distant most of the time, silent, constantly in a bad mood and there seemed to be almost nothing that could cheer him up, at least a little. Myles was the first one to guess the reason behind his behaviour correctly, noticing the way Jack kept watching Sue whenever they were in the bullpen. It didn't matter if he had a whole desk of paperwork needed to be done, or they were busy working on an important case; whenever the two were sat between their desks, Hudson's eyes were more often on the object of his affection than not. There was yearning and pain in his eyes, and even though he was never going to admit it out loud, he wished he hadn't interrupted them that day on the corridor. He started to reproach himself the moment he realised what was really happening there, that it could be the end of the suffer for the two of them as well as the whole building, forced to watch the dance between them. Lucy had to consciously 'forget' to tell Jack, considering that she informed everyone else that Sue changed her mind and he ruined the plan, which actually had the chance to work.

What wasn't a surprise at all, was that Sue was the most concerned about the way Jack has been acting. He just wasn't himself, and he didn't want to tell her what was bothering him even though he always opened up to her when there was something on his mind. She was well aware of his constant staring at her, and even though it was making her uneasy, she decided to ignore it. It was just easier this way. There was this part of her – which was in agreement with Lucy - which was telling her that it was the obvious sign of his feelings for her, because they were all there in this wonderful, brown eyes of his she loved so much. She really wanted it to be true, that he had feelings for her, but there was also this other half which was convinced that he couldn't. First of all, he could have any woman he wanted and there was no way he would choose her. Secondly, if there was indeed something more between them on his side, he would have made it known to her and he the signals he was sending her made it impossible to judge anything on them. There were moments when her heart was growing with hope, that he might indeed see her as someone more than a good friend, only to be brutally brought down to earth by him telling or doing something showing her completely opposite. And the truth was, that she was getting tired by it. She was getting tired of the constant wondering, and hoping for a miracle to happen so he would clearly let her know how he actually felt about her. There was no doubt that her heart would be shattered to pieces if he told her that she was simply a friend for him, because she has given it completely to him, but perhaps in time it would heal and allow her to move on.

It was Bobby, who decided that he had enough of watching his best friend suffering like this, and one day practically dragged Jack out of the bullpen to go, have a lunch and talk. He was determined to make him tell him what was happening, but nothing was working. Only when he followed Jack's eyes to the spot he was so carefully watching, he finally understood the expression on his face, this surprise mixed with jealousy and hurt. He recognized Sue without problems, but she wasn't there alone or with one of their team. He didn't know her companion personally, but he knew that it was the new agent that joined one of the other task forces lately and the two seemed to get along pretty well. And, as it seemed, too well for Jack's liking.

"Trying to kill the man with your look isn't going to work, Sparks, you know?" he said, earning one of the glares himself. "You can't blame the man that he got interested in a beautiful, clever, _single_ woman. You're not the only one allowed to see what a special person she is, and if you're not going to do anything about it, someone is going to steal her away from you. Perhaps not this guy, but someone else and if you keep doing nothing, you will lose her."

Jack knew that his friend was right, this thought crossed his mind more than once. It was actually surprising that it didn't happen yet. It was completely inexplicable to him how people could be unable to notice just how amazing, wonderful, extraordinary she was, while it was so obvious. He has never met any person, who would be equally special.

"Do you really think I don't know that?" there was so much pain in Jack's voice, that Bobby would never even suspect it was possible.

"Then why, Jack? Why are you so insistent to keep suffering, even if I have no doubts that it might be actually quite sweet suffering... Watching her and dreaming about all those things the two of you could share if you only decided to act..!"

"Believe me, that I want nothing more than to act... Every time I look at her I can see all those things that we could share, that I dream about every night, and can't stop thinking how much I wish they could be true... I wish I could simply walk to her, take her into my arms, kiss her but you know perfectly well it is more complicated than that!"

Bobby tried his best not to show just how shocked he was by his friend. He knew Jack for such a long time, but he has never – ever – seen him talk about his feelings so openly. It's not like they discussed those kind of topics a lot, but he never really told anything that would clearly show Crash that he loved Sue. Of course, Manning was very aware of that, but it still shocked him how desperate Jack sounded in that moment.

"It is as complicated as you make it, Jack. She is not going to wait for you forever, and if I was you I wouldn't try to find so many reasons why I shouldn't try to put an end to this whole drama. Don't you think that the happiness it might give the two of you is actually work taking the risk?"

Jack didn't feel like fighting with his friend, and he knew that if he tried to argue with him it would end this way. But, he also couldn't deny that his friend was right. He couldn't go on like this forever, he needed to put an end to it, one way or another. That night he has made another decision – he was finally going to tell Sue how he felt, and nothing was going to be able to stop him. If it was the only possible way to be with her, he would be willing to quit the FBI – he was pretty certain that he would be able to find himself a spot in one of the local law firms, but she would have to reciprocate his feelings first. If not, then he would go to D. and take the best possible offer in any city in the country. If she told him that she didn't love him back, working in the same room with her would be just too awkward, and way too painful to withstand. He made up his mind, and there was absolutely nothing able to stop him or make him chicken out. What he didn't expect, however, was the way the whole talk would start.

When he arrived at work on the next morning, one of the first things that got his attention was a huge bouquet of flowers lying on Sue's desk, and the way her lips widened when she read the note attached to it. Lucy didn't even try to be discreet – one reason for this was that she was simply unaware that Jack was in the room. She immediately started to drown Sue in questions, and from them he was able to gather that the blonde woman had to spend the previous evening with the man he saw her with at the restaurant, whose name he learned was Brad. Trying his best to ignore the whole scene, he simply walked to his desk with no acknowledgment of anyone or anything around. It was probably what has gotten everyone's attention and he noticed Lucy get silent, and walk back to her own desk.

"Is everything okay?" was what got him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Sue standing right in front of his desk.

"Yeah... A beautiful bouquet, I'm sure you and the rookie had a lot of fun last night." left his mouth before he was able to bite his tongue.

She didn't have to be able to hear him to know the way he said it, it was all written on his face.

"I had no idea I can't take a friend, who is new to town, to see the nice places around here and have some fun!" she was just about to make a comment that 'the rookie' had a name that it hit her. The way he looked at her made her realise, that there was something more to his comment than simple want to be mean. "Are you jealous..?" her eyes widened at the realisation, and her mind immediately started to reason that it was impossible.

It was then, that he did something, what not only left her absolutely speechless, but made all the others in the room turn their heads in their direction and stare at the two with their eyes wide and their mouth open in shock. He stood up from his desk and walk walked around it to Sue, cupped her face with his hands and leaned to her, capturing her lips in a kiss. It was the last thing she would expect him to do, and for a moment she just stood still, completely taken aback by his actions. Jack Hudson has just kissed her, right there and then – it was impossible. And yet, she could feel the warmth of his body so close to her, his hands on her cheeks, his thumbs so gently caressing her skin, not to mention his soft lips against hers...

Just when he wanted to move back, realising that he has just made a fool of himself, he felt her wrap her arms around his neck and pull him close, kissing him back. They weren't even aware of the loud cheer it elicited from their friends, all that mattered in this moment was the kiss, the love and passion in it. Only when they moved a little away from each other they realised that they were standing in the middle of the bullpen, that there were four faces with the biggest grins they have ever seen in their lives, who witnessed the whole scene. Seeing that the show was over, all very ostentatiously returned to their duties pretending to ignore Jack and Sue.

"What was that..?" she asked, still not really believing what has just happened.

"The answer to your question. I love you and yes, I am horribly jealous at the thought of you spending and evening and having a lot of fun with another man."

"I love you, too." was the only thing she was capable of saying.

She knew that one day he was going to find out the truth, but she couldn't make herself tell him that there was absolutely no reason to be jealous about Brad, because as much as she liked his company, she was simply keeping her promise to her brother, as the man was her sister-in-law's younger brother and Jimmy and Claire asked her to make sure he felt at home in DC. It didn't matter though; the important thing was that it made him act, and this day was forever going to be marked as the start of the wonderful life, awaiting in front of them.


End file.
